Am i wrong to leave him?

My boyfriend has two kids, he is a great father and active in their lives. But he's too active, he's gone 6 nights out of the week going to practices, pta meetings, taking them out....and the list goes on. I respect his children and i do my best to be understanding about him spending so much time with them. but i want to leave him, this man is my soulmate and i love him more than anything, but i can't be second focus to anyone, his kids included.

he will call and cancel if his kids have an activity but not show me the same courtesy when i have something due at work or for school (which i believe are legit concerns)

i know i'm being selfish, but what else can i do, i want to leave him, i know its wrong but i don't know how to go about it.

they don't live with us, no i had to move an hour out of the way so that he can be closer to his kids. he has a 5 minute commute to work while i have a beautiful hr drive to school everyday, six sometimes seven days a week.

they live with their mom.

Comments

  • In his life you are second and it appears that is all you will ever be.

    Time to move on I think and find someone that wants you to be his number one.

    Good luck

  • Hi Sweetheart! Listen, I hate that people are saying hurtful things to you people will never understand until they are wearing the shoes, and this includes me. I sort of understand I dated a guy with a daughter, I had none yet I wanted one, His daughter came first however, I supported him and her. I wanted that little girl to have the best life ever I accepted her as my own however, as time went on I realized that I was not ready to be a mother, I am so young, I wanted some undivided attention he couldnt fulfill that, and thats ok! I accepted that and moved on I told him I was not able to not be well, self-less, I wanted to be selfish so I left not making him choose! I would never make a man choose me over their kid not saying he would. I said all this to say, maybe the best thing to do is leave, but know if you are wanting a family he is the man to have it with, but personally i think you need time to grow up and be selfish; selfishness is not always a bad thing, you are not in the wrong for wanting out but if you make him choose you are in the wrong. So the choice is in your hands! Good Luck! If you need anything or want to talk, email me at [email protected]

  • I think, you don't realize what you have. I can understand that you want to spend time with him and sometimes the let down of not getting to do that can suck. However, these are his kids and it is awesome that he is there for them. Talk to him about the situation. Be subtle because if I had kids and you said the things you did in the paragraph you wrote I would not stick around. If you leave him what are your options then. Maybe you can find a single guy with no kids or a guy who neglects his kids. Maybe you want kids of your own and want to show the same affection to your own that he shows to his.

    If your gonna leave him cause he is a good dad. Then he is better off.

  • He cant be your "soul mate" if you arent happy with him.

    You have to be happy playing step mom cause that is the situation you are in.

    It sounds like you have alot invested in this relationship. (moving, living together, "sacrafices")

    Its understandable to want to not be second best

    but you also have to understand that those are his kids. They should come first!

    You should be happy and proud he isnt a "dead beat dad".

    He is taking responsiblity and doing what he needs to do.

    Before you leave I would try talking to him.

    Maybe you guys can have a date night once a week or something else special to still have that spark.

    Ultimately you need to decide what is best for you. . just put those thought into it.

  • Sounds like you love him but everything else isnt exactly that great. I think you should try and find someone new who can start your own family with and will treat you as an equal and likes the same sort of lifestyle imo I think you would be alot happier, especially if you want kids of your own.

    Opposites may attract but when it comes down to it its not enough. I also think you, his wife should come first in the marriage.

  • You have the right to break up with someone. You don't have to date anyone you don't want to.

    However...you might want to reconsider. Do you want to have kids of your own? Can you look around and find a good father? Its hard to find a guy who is as good of a father as you describe here.

    Also, when you become a mother, your own children MUST be first focus for both you and the father. You are getting valuable learning experience here.

  • If you had a child of your own, would they not be your primary focus? Look at it from the other side. However, I am sure if you talk to him about this and ask him to decide, he will make the right choice for you. Either you split up, or you find a way to spend more time together. This way he has to address his feelings for you. If he can't find the time for you, then you are his full time bed warmer.

  • first talk to him tell him how you feel and if he is not willing to try to compromise a change and start taking care of your need then he really was not worth your time anyway. sorry to be so blunt but if he does not care if you are happy he is definitely not for you now or in the future, cause it will just get worse, because you will have more resentment than you can handle and he will not know that anything is wrong if you do not bring it up

  • Yes, that would be a terrible thing to do.

    That being said, you are a woman, and thus have already made up your mind.

    Regardless of what you read here, you are going to leave this gentleman for some badboy who makes your life fun and exhilarating and oh man I'm so sad I left my soulmate because he loves his kids boo hoo hoo.

  • Well, if you don't want to be second to his kids then the best thing you can do is leave him. It'll be hard and hurt you both but in the end it'll be better. His kids HAVE to come before you. Since you can't accept that, you'll just have to move on. I'm not sure how you can go about it. Just tell him that you want to be number one in his life and since you can't be, you have to move on to someone who will let you be #1.

    help me too please

    http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApCY_...

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